Originally I was going to wait to post again, until life had settled back into a normal rhythm, but I realized many people have been praying and waiting for an update.

The Lord has provided a new position for me inside of Seoul. Full time. Housing provided. Reasonable hours. It is definitely an answered prayer.

When I have told people where I am moving to, the reactions have been pretty mixed. I am moving to the northern part Seoul, to a neighborhood called Eunpyeong-gu. Eunpyeong-gu is closer and officially in Seoul, but it is a much older area than Suji-gu, where I previously lived. People expressed enthusiasm, nervousness, sadness, and even joy. I am also feeling all of those emotions. I am moving away from friends and neighborhoods that I know and enjoy well, to a whole new community, filled with a much different demographic than the one I have left. For me this was one of the aspects I worried about the most, because I tend to build relationships slowly. I want to be apart of the community not just surrounded by it. So it feels a bit like being a plant being re-potted over and over again. But I am also happy about the opportunity to grow and build new relationships here. I am closer to friends and church. I can join events and activities without worrying about trying to find a way home. There is so much potential about where God has moved me.

 I officially started working at the school yesterday and I will take over the teaching on Monday. It is never easy to take over a class in the middle of the year, and this will be the second time, is as many years, that I have had to do just that. The routines and patterns established by teachers, students and parents may all change a bit, and there is going to be a bit of struggle in that. All in all, everyone has been very kind and accepting, just very busy.

Truthfully, I am not yet excited about this situation. I think the reason for my solemness is, in part, to this process being taken mostly from my grasp. I did not feel ready to leave my former position. By the time I was informed that I did have to find a new job, I had no time to research and settle my own mind and heart. I have for a long time struggled with my own desire to dictate what I can in my life. It developed as a coping and self -preservation method from my childhood. But I am still alarmed when I see how deep this trait has rooted itself into my personality. My goal in this next month is to develop and maintain a true excited nature for what this new home and job (new teachers & new students).

Finding Home (Take 2)

I am sitting back in my favorite coffee shop, this hidden oasis in the middle of Seoul, frustrated, tired and looking towards a very different immediate future here in Korea.

We were notified on Thursday, after lunch, that our school would be closing permanently after the next days classes. This is after being assured a couple of weeks before that we would absolutely not be closing. In the midst of all of this, I still had to move, but now with no warning, I now had no where to move into. Thursday evening was a bad night, filled with tears and prayers; desperate supplications to the Lord for a brief insight into his reasoning and the need for that moment.

In the days since, the Lord has brought much peace and even some clarity, leaving me in a place to finally be able to share a little bit.

I honestly have no idea what life is going to look like moving forward. I have had several interviews and have even more scheduled. I feel like this is a time for healing and rest, but also a chance for growth. Even with the many problems and issues surrounding my former school, I was truly blessed to be there. I was able to be at a Christian school, where people genuinely loved the Lord, each other and their students. In the short time away from this school, I have seen that is not the norm around Korea.  In the past few interviews I have experienced, Directors would continuously try to discredit and insult my former school, but in a way that also was a discredit and an insult to myself and our other teachers. The financial status of the parents at the school was directory brought up and compared in interviews (many times, the directors are speaking of their own views here, with no knowledge of the families from the other school.) My first reaction was to be turned away. I do not share those views. I do not rate the importance or potential of a person by their acquired world wealth. As I pray and think over the situation more, I do see the potential mission field that lays before me. 

Before moving to Korea, I was well informed of how the education system worked here, like a micro-system of the grander socio-culture of Korea, "money equals power". I hated it. I had no desire to exist in that abusive environment. Ultimately it is an environment that directly feeds into what is the highest youth and young adult suicide rate in modern society. If the Lord was bringing me to Korea as a teacher, I wanted to teach the neglected and forgotten. I wanted to work with orphans. When I arrived, I realized that is not where the Lord was putting me. He put me in a very wealthy neighborhood, where parents would peacock around each other, often trying to one up each other. In that time I learned to love these families. To see them through the eyes of the Lord. Seeing their fears and insecurities. Learning many of them have never heard the Gospel, the good news of the Lord, because people only approached them for their status. And now I may have the opportunity to work in a community where status is often equated to worship status. And this school, unlike my last is not a Christian school. They willingly feed into this monstrous lie that money equals worth. It turns my stomach thinking about it. But then I remembered Jonah. I am pronouncing judgement on this school and these kids. If I am offered this job, then I will go joyfully and in deep prayer. That like Nineveh, who heard the Word of God and repented of their sin, those who are currently not currently following and loving the Lord and each other will also hear the Word of God and repent. I do not want to make the same selfish mistakes of Jonah. These people are not my enemies, but are the mission field. 

I don't know for certain if this is where the Lord is going to send me. I have no answers in that regard yet. I am just as curious as you. But I do know that I am in the Lord's hand, and he is leading and directing this time in my life. I have so much to be thankful for:

• Unexpected Rest- My last position was exhausting, and it had absolutely no time for breaks. I spent most of my free time working and prepping for my next class. I am trying not to take advantage of this time of rest, or extend it irresponsibly. With my family visiting, I would be thankful if I could extend it until Chuseok, but if that is not the Lord's will, then I will happily head back to work sooner.
• Living Space - I am effectively homeless. Yet, I am living with an elderly Christian couple in what may be one of the largest Korean apartments, that I have ever seen. They willingly and lovingly took me (and the entire contents of my apartment) in, because their friend mentioned my need. The Lord answered and fulfilled my need in a completely unexpected and most gracious way. My hope is to find a new permanent place by Chuseok. While they are gracious, I also want to be conscious of their situation. I am sure they will need the room back, if their family visits for the holiday.
• Study Time -  I have not had an opportunity to work on my Korean since I moved here. I would say my skills have weakened instead of improved. I want to use this time to study and grow in my ability to use the language. 

Finding Home

I have lived in the same "small" city for almost all of my life. A large portion of my extensive family has also lived in or around the same city as well. I have built many relationships there. This close knit life filled with a densely interwoven network of relationships was all I knew. I thought this was what life and relationships were life for most of the world. I was unaware of how rare it can be.

I knew moving to South Korea would be hard. The friendships and ties I had built up over 30+ years in the states, would for the most part be left behind, with almost no connection between the former community and the new one I was moving to. I was excited. I was scared. Mostly, I was ready to find and begin building a life and joining this community here in South Korea.
In my first year, I have learned the community that I long for, may not yet exist here. You see, some of the things I long for the most, are not common here.  In the states, it was common for my community to share a meal together, inside someone's home; mine, theirs, it really didn't matter. I had regularly been invited into the homes of a majority of my friends. Dinners, game or movie nights, bonfires and the like are all commonplace in the States. Since I have been to Korea, I have been invited over  to someone's house twice. Both were for very specific one time events, and both were involved directly with a church related activity. It is just does not seem to be apart of the culture to invite others into your home. People still long to hangout and build relationships over meals and games; but it is almost always out of the house. One aspect of this is cafe culture. Korea is known for it's cafe culture. Board game cafes, cat cafes, and garden cafes are common. You can not walk down the road without seeing at least one cafe. For me, I love quiet and unknown coffee shops, where I can plug in my computer and work happily un-bothered by a rush of changing people. I use cafes to work, because I like to keep my home space open for hosting and inviting others over. Basically the opposite of the culture here.
So I have been learning, stretching my wings a bit, intentionally meeting and socializing over a late evening cup of tea in local cafe. Working to embrace new culture I have chosen to make live my life in. It has been enjoyable thus far, but truthfully a bit draining. With the stress of the past couple of weeks, I had desperately needed something that felt like "home" here, since I could no longer depend on even my living situation to provide that momentarily. I needed something and the Lord provided. In the midst of the struggle, I wandered into a cafe off the beaten path, that feels just a bit like home. Murals on the walls, English oldies playing, plants in every corner, and even a couple of pet birds in the middle of the space that randomly like to sing at you. It is exactly what I needed.
I still don't know what the future holds. We will hopefully know more details on Friday about the status of my current place of employment, and I will make a choice then. Housing concerns will follow after that. Either way, I am moving at the end of the month, which means a busy couple of weeks packing up my apartment. No matter what happens, I am thankful that the Lord had me exactly were I was for my first year in Korea. I am excited to see what the future holds and what moving forward will look like when all is said and done. Until then, I am thankful for this little space in central Seoul that feels like home when nothing else does.

Unappreciated Changes

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,  for you know that the testing of your

 faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Right now I am in a season of trial; a season of hardships, confusion, frustration and fear. Ultimately, a season of faith.

I recently resigned another contract to stay on at my current school. I love my co-workers and am able teach children about who God is, his love for us, and his redemptive plan to reconnect us in relationship with himself. Even with it's many flaws, I felt truly blessed were I was. I was becoming settled. Finally at a place, where I was able to start praying about the possibility of joining and serving in children's ministry, here at church. That all changed last Thursday. We received an email from the school director that the school would be closing it's doors on August 31st. I had been sitting in the airport waiting to fly out to Jeju Island, excited to relax and spend time with the Lord during my first real vacation, while here in Korea. From that moment on, my mind and heart have been at war struggling with all of the emotions and uncertainty that I now faced. On Friday, we received a text from our director recanting the contents of the letter, saying we would be severing our partnership with the American School, and that they were looking to stay open by partnering with a pastor and Christian School here in Korea.  It took a week for our director to finally make an appearance here in Korea, and we will not know until NEXT Friday if the school will be staying open.

On the surface it is an easy choice. Leave. But for some reason it is not that simple. All three of us teachers are torn. None of us WANT to leave. Why? I feel foolish for even considering staying, but my heart is not settled or comfortable with leaving, I want to fight through.

I have spent all week praying with no clear answer. I have a potential job in northern Seoul lined up. While it is still in the interviewing phase, it seems pretty clear that if I can give them an answer on what I am doing and when I am available to move, that I will have a job. I am confident the Lord has a plan, but I am beyond frustrated waiting to understand it. So please join me in prayer.

• Pray for the students - for many of them, this is the first real experience they have had with Christians and with Jesus. Our school shutting down, would mean many of them will no longer get to hear the word taught. 
• Pray for our Directors -  There were many bad financial choices made during the formative years of this school, that ultimately lead to this point. I am praying that the Lord care for their families as they deal with the financial repercussions of the choices they were making. As they move forward making more choices, I pray that they are sensitive to the Holy Spirit as he guides them.
• Pray for our teachers - Everyone is hurt. Trust is broken. Fear and anxiety are an active battle most of the teachers are currently facing. It is difficult to get a job as a teacher for the Korean teachers, and for the English teachers, our security has been threatened. Our Visa/resident status as well as our housing and healthcare is contingent upon the school we work for. For many of us working at a Christian school has been a blessing and the prospect of leaving that for a much more hostile workplace is daunting.
• Pray for me - In the midst of all of this, I was informed that the owner of my current apartment is refusing to renew my apartment, so I need to move out in the next 5 days. There is a room that I can temporarily move into, but it is half the size of my current space, and I will be living for the next few weeks with most of my possessions in boxes, stacked like storage. My boss is still trying to reason with the owner, for an extension, just until the school knows if they are staying open or not. Pray that he understands and that I can delay moving... If not pray for my sanity as I move the whole of my apartment twice in 2 weeks. Moving is something I am not keen on. In fact, I hate it. It brings up emotions and fears deeply rooted in some of my personal childhood trauma. Leaving to move to Korea, which I was deeply excited for, it still took about two months of mental and emotional preparing to handle the move in a reasonably healthy manner. I don't have that time to prep now, and because of the lack of information, I really can not prepare as I generally would.
• Pray that the Lord's will would be known -  The Lord has a plan for my life. I am praying for a clear direction in which choice I should pick or make in situation. I will be choosing to stay or leave... and if not that, then I will be choosing a new school to work at. 

I do want to leave you with some hope and joy that the Lord has allowed me to experience lately also, so here are some pics from mt trip to Jeju-do.

O'Sulloc Green Tea Fields

Unplucked Green Tea Leaf

 Jeju Grandfather Statue 

 Seongsan Ilchulbong Peak

aka "Sunrise Peak" from the beach.

 Playing at Hamdeok Beach

Impossible to avoid getting people in the shot at Hamdeok 

 Samyang "Black Sands" Beach at sunset.

A large crab that lived in the lava rocks 

I love the amount of rocks to climb on in Jeju. 

A final evening sunset at the beach.

I never meant to be away from the blog for so long. I went back to the US over Christmas and was able to spend time with many of you in fellowship, rejoicing the birth of Christ, but even now Easter has come and passed. Winter is always a difficult season for me, this year was no exception to that trend. I am quite thankful that Spring has officially arrived in Korea.

This morning I was able to join a small grouping from my church here in Seoul, to visit Yanghwajin, which is the area in Seoul where foreigners who passed while living in Korea were buried, specifically missionaries and their families. It is an amazing experience to hear the largey  unknown stories of some of the first missionaries allowed into Korea, and how they tackled spreading the Gospel by first meeting the needs of the nation. Did you know that the bible was being translated into the Korean language, in both Japan and Manchuria, before the first protestant missionaries came to the peninsula? The Korean language bible actually opened the Korean language to become the common written and read language of the people.  I specifically said protestant missionaries, because the Roman Catholic church had sent missionaries prior to the protestant churh. Many of the Catholic missionaries and Koreans who began to confess Christ, lived under severe persecution at the hand of the Korean king. The hill known as their place of execution, Jeoldusan, is practically next door to Yanghwajin and has been converted into a memorial by the church. It was an amazing experience, that I would recommend to anyone visiting the city.

For me personally, I left feeling a great sense of unity with the laborers the Lord sent here over a century ago. It has been a struggle, since I arrived, to see the transient nature of a majority of foreigners here in Korea. Moving to Korea is not a result of a whim or wanderlust. I did not arrive with the plan to teach for a year or two and then travel back to the states. I have no plans to leave unless the Lord should call me to go elsewhere. So for everyone I met to assume that I was planning my exist, though I had just arrived, was hurtful. But for almost everyone, that is the truth attached to their time here, they came knowing they did not want to put down roots. That mindset and transient nature changes what biblical community looks like. There is a hesitancy to grow deeply with others that has permeated most of the English speaking churches. It is not rooted in being mean-spirited, but it is odd and uncomfortable to be in a community of believers where a majority of people don't talk to each other, and it is a struggle for those of us that are used to a close and family like intimacy in the church among it's members. So pray for me as I, with my strong introverted nature, continue to fight against this trend at the church the Lord called me too. I long to know those the Lord has placed in this body, and I pray for both conviction and strength to trust and openly share who I am with them in return.

In honor of springtime arriving in Seoul, here are some pics:

Cherry Blossoms at Seokchon Lake

Cherry Blossoms in detail

Lotte World Tower 

One of the surviving original Korean Bibles.

This last one is more of a personal celebratory pic! Spring means being able to return to playing outside. I think being able to play freely outside is one of the most restorative practices for the students in my class.